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Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Is Bigger Always Better?

There is a simple truth that can be applied to every aspect of life: bigger is always better. After all, we live in a land, time, and country of competition. To keep up, you need to, "Go big or go home."


Forget reasonable size portions, healthy choices and calorie counts, today's food market is all about the extreme experience: largest, spiciest, tastiest, and oddest. Deep fried hamburger wrapped in bacon? Yes, please! Two pound enchilada covered in atomic wing sauce? How could I refuse?! Thankfully, Americans fashion industry has teamed up with the food industry to ensure that our widening girths will always have stretch pants to be jammed, crammed, and stuffed into.

Breast Implants

A very smart person once said, "Beauty is pain." Truer words were never spoken when it comes to super-sized breasts. Forget going au naturel. In today's world, it is no longer all about having the largest pair of fun bags on the block; now your tatas need to have their own center of gravity. If jumbo breasts are in your future, you can kiss being comfortable goodbye. After the procedure, back pain will be your new best friend. Additionally, you should consider increasing your liability insurance, as you are likely to cause car wrecks whenever you bobble your ample bosoms down the sidewalk. Plastic surgery has been popular than ever before in history, as everyone is in a mad scramble to not only get the biggest breasts, but breasts that look better than the other girl’s.


Nothing is more depressing in life than living in a less than elephantine home (not even a crushing mortgage). In the 1950's, a 1,000 square foot house was more than enough space for a family of four. Now, the average home is almost 2,400 square feet. But why go for average? These days you can have a mansion so large you never need to see your family. It can be a great excuse for not getting anniversary presents: Honey, I did not buy you anything because I thought you were on a business trip.

Golden Parachutes

Executives would seem to bring a lot less value to a company if their salaries were more reasonable; so it makes sense that they would make even more money when being fired. These "golden parachutes" need to be monstrous if they are to give the over-paid Bigwig time to slow down after his fall from the top. However, it stands to reason that businesses could save a lot more moolah if they would just fire their next CEO before even hiring him or her; just pay out the golden parachute before ever putting him or her on the payroll.

So, the next time you find yourself asking, "Is bigger always better?" give yourself a big (or bigger) slap across the face and follow with a resounding, "yes!" Bigger is always better and that is a great philosophy to live by in life. Read more about oversized breast implants and what plastic surgeons think about this “bigger is better” craze.


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